Welcome to Wishaw Bowling Club.
“The Championship”
(Or conversations overheard around the green)
I was Winning 5 - 19
When he moved the mat half up the green
I never scored again alas
I couldnae seem to catch the grass
He’s a most unsporting nyaff
He kens that always puts me aff
The experts all advised me wrong
The night I played against”Old John”
They said he’s old and long retired
Keep it long-he’ll soon get tired
The reason why I lost you see
It Wasnae him that tired but me
My opponent arrived a half hour late
That’s the reason I was beat
If he’d come on time the tie would have been
Played as it should on the upper green
I think myself he got to know
I don’t like playing doon below
The sun was level with the playground wall
You couldnae see the head at all
Going the other way was hard to thole
Right on my draw was an awkward hold
I would have won I can safely say
If the green had been playing the other way
I know the reason I lost alright
I was playing with Henselite
The rink we played on was only good
For a man who used old fashioned wood
I’m sure it would be a much fairer game
If they made all bowlers use the same
The night was wet my hands were cold
I couldna grip my bowls at all
To make it worse on top of that
We had to use yon damned great mat
Unless they guarantee nae rain
I’ll never enter ties again.
Gentlemen you applauded one by one
Each competition winner come
Smiling and proudly up deservedly collect their cup
But to win a cup can only mean
A certain prowess on the green
A competition when its won,
gives pleasure to a single one.......
Extracted and reproduced courtesy of Mr Barclay Anderson.